My happiness is not based on my ability to find a husband

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My happiness is not based on my ability to find a husband

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Any plans to get married?”

The dreaded questions!

I am a female in my mid-30s. So you can probably imagine the number of times relatives or friends have asked me these questions at gatherings or celebrations. And the way I had to keep coming up with answers gets more and more creative as time goes by.

No, I do not find the questions offensive.

It is fine to ask me whether I have a boyfriend or whether I have plans to get married soon. I know it comes from a place of general curiosity, especially from relatives or friends who I have not met for some time. I take the questions like a part of “hey, what have you been up to?” kind of conversation.

What I do not like, though, is when I answered, “No”, I can see the cloud of assumptions formed in their head. And everything starts to go downhill there. The theories on why I am not married start popping up in our conversations:

“Are you being too choosy? You know at your age, you can’t be picky”

“Don’t tell me you are not ready?”

“You shouldn’t be so into your career. Go out and have fun.”

“Was it because you were heartbroken before, that is why you remain single until now?”

The theories and speculation have to stop

In my humble and honest opinion, if I only meet you at gatherings or celebrations, it means that you do not know me well enough to come up with all these theories. You do not get a say in whether I am being picky, whether I am ready or if I am being too career-minded. You just don’t.

Because when I do find someone who is suitable enough to be my life partner, you would not have any say in it as well. Your opinions do not matter. End of story.

I am happy where I am.

I think that when I am unmarried, people assume that I have not yet found my happiness. The thing is one does not have to be married to be happy. I have amazing parents in my life, who supports me and are my pillars of strength. My siblings are my greatest enemies and my closest buddies. I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world. My good friends are the ones that I could count on when I hit rock bottom. All of them know that when I meet someone, they will be the very people I share my good news with.

I like the way my career is going. And I try very much to maintain a healthy work-life balance. I indulge in my favourite activities as often as I can. I am open to meet new people, especially those who share the same interests as I do.

I don’t think I am being picky when it comes to choosing a life partner. I do, however, feel that if I want to be with someone, it has to be a person that I can foresee having a future with. I always hope that I can meet a special guy someday and we can build a family together.

I leave my fate to Allah

I believe HE knows when it is the right time for me to be with someone. In HIM, I trust.

So when next time, if I answered, “No” to your question “Are you married?”, please do not think too much about it and let us move on to the next topic. And please do make a doa for me to meet my special someone soon, ok? 🙂

Much love and have a blessed day, everyone!

 

To read our previous “Happiness Series”, click here.

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