This is actually my 3147th attempt to write a letter to you. I am not too sure why but I can’t never seem to get past the first sentence. Oh well, here goes my 3148th attempt.
Mum, thank you for enduring the long, painful and horrifying hours of labor when you are delivering me.
It is an action story that I will never failed to hear every year on my birthday, and sometimes on my siblings’ birthday. And even more so on Mother’s Day. Although I really have no desire to listen to how much pain I put you through, I can’t help but feel very special indeed. Why? Because no one else will go through what you went through for me. Nobody else will go through 9 months of backaches, morning sickness, nausea and swollen feet just to carry me. No one else will fight through the pain of delivering me and welcoming me into the world with so much love and tenderness. No one will go through all that for me except you. Only you, mum.
Mum, thank you for being my first teacher.
You are not the most patient guru I know. But hey, teaching me how to talk and walk is no easy feat. I can still remembered the frustration in your eyes when I couldn’t solve a maths problem or form simple sentences. But none of them can compare to the time when you had to teach me about life. It is a scary lesson with too many unknown outcomes and unforeseen situations. The worries that you must have had whenever I stray too far away from the path that you have carefully planned for me. When my desire for freedom and taste of rebellion start kicking in, I can only imagined the headaches and heartaches that I put you through. Now, I wish I haven’t been so foolhardy. I wish I could take your worries and heartaches away. I wish I could tell you then that I am going to be fine as long as I have you with me. As long as you are by my side…
Mum, thank you for being there for even when I said that I don’t need you.
We had our differences, you and I. I always believed that I am never anything like you and you can’t possibly know how I feel. But looking back, I am actually a mini version of you. Whether we both like to admit it or not.
You shed a lot of tears because of me. Mostly tears of sadness than happiness. I recalled saying a lot of mean things to you, defied you many times and even screamed at you just because I am unhappy about something. These are not my finest moments and knowing the person you are, it is probably embedded and engraved in your brain.
Mum, I am very sorry for hurting you the way I did. Saying sorry to you is the most difficult thing I had to do. I am so ashamed and regretful of my actions to you. To the one that stood by me no matter what. At that point of time, I just seem to forget all the sacrifices that you made for me. The sacrifices that can never be measured to anything that I can give to you. I forget that you carried me for 9 months and endured so much when delivering me. I forgot that you are my first teacher and if it hadn’t been for you, I am not who or where I am today.
Mum, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me…
Forgive me for the hurtful words I said, for the horrible things I did, for all my shortcomings.
Lastly, Mum, thank you for teaching me what it means to be a woman.
How to be loving yet strict to the ones that we hold dear to our hearts. How to be strong in adversities. How it is okay to break down and cry every once in awhile. How to get back on our feet and be in control. And that as a woman, we are not any lower than man. And we can do what they do and also have it all. That chocolate and time can heal a broken heart.
Today, I don’t regard you as only my mum.
Today, you are also my friend, my savior, my confidant and my soul sister.
I Love You forever and always. I hope you know that.
Happy Mother’s Day!